We Use Botox

Look at us...we are ecstatic! Can't you tell? NO? It's cause he talked me into botox. *rolls her eyes*

I have a couple of those emote huds, but they look so unnatural (except when Cole is screaming for his life - those pics to come later!) Maybe, just maybe, there will be a way to add a smile, or an emote that looks a bit more real in the future?
Shockingly, I stood around and threw some clothes on. I figured a couple pics might be cool, since I really liked the way the look turned out!

Please don't expect some lavish write up about outfits. For now, those days are behind me (I never wrote "lavishly" anyway.) So, he's wearing a shirt from Aitui (I don't even know if I have the spelling correct.) He's also got on hair, tats, and jeans. Amazing! I am wearing the following since I know it's more important than his outfit:
hair:
<< Discord >> Prim Hair [ MIKAGE ] Black&Gray
bracelet:
:: Exodi :: Autumn Bracelet
blouse:
[LeeZu!] Valerie Blouse /rust
shoes:
[LeLutka]-TEESE shoes/darkred
scarf:
Maitreya Long Scarf * Sangria
bra:
[CoL] - Gift - Black Lacy Lingerie
jacket:
fri. - Military Jacket (Army)
pants:
fri. - Trousers (Khaki)
..~love me or leave me~..

Letting go

No one ever said change was easy, but often necessary. I have taken some time to deal with things, and I need a lot more, but time will come, change will come, and, hopefully, good things, too, will come. To move forward you need to let go of the past, not always the easiest thing to do when you have invested your emotions in people who have disappointed you one way or another. I need to let go...I've heard it from so many. Let go, to allow yourself to move forward....let go, and trust that there is someone who cares and will be there for you.

When you trust and open yourself up, you give so much and always risk the possibility of hurt. Is it easier to close yourself off? To some degree, yes. However, the opportunities and events you miss out on often out-weigh any possibility of hurt. Because, without pain and sorrow, the joy of life would not be as sweet. Cherish good moments and good people...let go of the evil and the shit.
I've learned that I have a strong capacity to hate, HATE with everything inside of me. I've had days of extreme bitterness and spite. I never knew it was in me...I now know it is.

It's time to let go...and I am...moving forward..."I wanted to forget, I'm trying to forgive"...Without You, Breaking Benjamin. The latest release from them is amazing. Listen, it's worth it.

BOOBS...

Got your attention? Of course I do! lol

Before I start, I just want to thank Al for letting me do this...for giving me the opportunity to still blog, but without my ever notorious need to be perfect and obsessive. Just you watch, I'll take over his blog in 2-3 days! j/k! Thank you for believing in me.
Now, let's get to it...let's talk BOOBS! Cause, OMG, that's all I've been hearing about lately! If you have been living under a rock, which, in a way, I kinda have...but, even I heard about the new Emerald Viewer release and this whole option of jiggly boobs! I'm not even going to get into my opinion of the viewer, but I have one. To get an idea of different viewers, take a look a couple of posts down...Al did another fantastic job reviewing! Anyway, oh yes...boobs...so, listen ladies...if you're IMing him and it's taking him a few minutes longer to respond than usual...it doesn't necessarily mean that he is IMing someone else (although, it might be the case,) but, if he is using Emerald, he's staring at your boobs. Don't take offense, we have them for a reason, and in SL, we know what it's for *wink*
Another observation I've made lately, prior to this "jiggly boob" epidemic is that designers have been making GREAT progress in the area of cleavage. Exciting news, right?! Well,yes, you see Laqroki has released a cleavage option that you wear, not much different than that shading one of the past (the name escapes me at the moment, and I'm not going to obsess or stress about it.) The positive to this option is that they made it to shade their skins perfectly, the negative is that it takes a clothing layer. I like to wear tats...please don't make me choose between my tats and my boobs. There is no winner there.
Both Belleza and League have skins that give you the cleavage option in their actual skins! Yes, exciting and VERY well done. I'm sure there are more, and if you know of them, please share! I was obsessed with my boobs before, I am obsessed even more so now. Maybe next time I'll talk nipples, because they need some attention! <3

I Need Your Help!

Something VERY exciting is happening today!

There has been a hole in the blogosphere for a little while now, but that is about to change.

My favorite person in SL, and the author of one of my favorites blogs has returned.  She has been gone for a bit, and I have missed her deeply.  But today she makes her return, and I have been blessed that she agreed to write on this blog.

She has a very unique style and perspective on things.  I have given her cart blanche to write about anything she so desires, which is exactly what I liked about her previous blog.

I am sooooo thrilled to have her here!

Ladies and Gentleman, please help me welcome the incomparable....

Rylan Carling!

*kisses her hand

Better, Stronger, Faster - Part Deux

In Part 1, I talked about how Second LIfe had become very slow on my laptop.  I went through the 1st phase of my search for the reason.  Now it is time for phase 2.

So, after cleaning up my laptop as much as I possibly could, I did two more things.  I upgraded my hard drive and memory. 

Upgrading my hard drive was very simple, thanks to a program called Casper (http://www.fssdev.com/).  This program allows me to make a complete image copy of my hard drive to a new hard drive, then just swap out the drive in my laptop.   So I got myself a 500 gig 7200rpm 2.5 inch hard drive, plugged it into my usb external hard drive case, and cloned my drive.  After the cloning was done, it took me 5 minutes to swap out the hard drives (Thank you Dell, for making a laptop that is easy to work on).  BOOM!  brand new system.

I also maxed out my memory on the laptop.  I had not done it before now because there was some question as to whether our not my model would take any more memory.  Dell said no, but many other people said it would.  I found a website where someone documented how he upgraded his Dell laptop (same model as mine), and the bigger memory worked great.  So I jumped in and upgraded.  It's working GREAT!  Now I can have Second Life, Photoshop, and my porn running at the same time! (kidding about the porn, you pervs).

So with all THAT done, now it was time to see just how fast Second Life would run.

I blogged a while ago (and yes I am way to lazy this morning to find the actually entry) about Linden Labs making the Second Life Viewer open source, and the impact that it would have on it.  That impact is really starting to be felt.

There are now several "alternate" viewers available to run Second Life.  You can see most of them listed here - http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Alternate_viewers#Third-party_Viewers

I decided to start looking into them more, because I was reading more and more about them from other users, mostly on Plurk. (http://www.plurk.com)

The thing about viewers, is that they are in my humble opinion, somewhat personal.  People talk about "features" of viewers, and I have found that one persons "absolutely have to have, complete deal breaker" feature is kinda "oh, well, sure, I suppose that would be nice" feature to me, and probably visa versa.  So I had previously only taken a cursory look at some of the alternate viewers up until now.  But I was now on a mission to see if ANY of them helped with my lag problems.

Being a software programmer for many years, and a software tester for many years before that, I needed a way to quantify my testing.  This is when I remembered something I had seen in one of the viewers menus a while ago: The Statistics bar (located under the View menu or Cntrl-Shift-1).

This bar gave me a way to quantify what I wanted to see.  It was when I brought this bar up that I really saw just how bad things had gotten.  I was running at about 2 fps (frames per second), and things were just taking WAY too long to rez.   I won't go into all the technical details of frames per second, but if you know anything about gaming, that really sucks.

Now, I looked into more stats.  I was not having any packet loss.  My bandwidth usage seemed a bit low, given that i was on a 10 meg ISP connection.  So I tripled checked that I was getting the bandwidth I was paying for.  I use http://www.speedtest.net, and picked a server that was in San Francisco, since that would be close to Linden Labs.   Sure enough, I was getting my 10 megs down, and 2 megs up.  My ISP was not the problem.

I ran a few more internet tests including a new http://www.pingtest.net by the people from speedtest.  No hops that were slow, everything seemed perfect there.

Now there is a LOT of other stats on this information bar, and to be honest, I have not delved into what all of them mean.  I really only care about how fast things "work" for me.  But these numbers did give me something concrete to compare.

So, I cleaned out ALL of my Second Life Viewers, and started over.

Not only was I watching my frame rates, but also just how long things at my home took to rez.  I set my graphics settings to medium, and kept the draw distance down to 96 meters for my testing.  I did turn up all the boxes, shaders, reflections, etc, just to see how it would all work. 

I also would chat with my friends in IM, to see what the typing lag would be like, while things were rezzing.  I have noticed that when things seem to get very graphic intensive, that my typing becomes a real chore.  I know typonese is somewhat expected, but it does not need to be THAT bad.

So I tested the current main Viewer, the First Look Viewer, SnowGlobe, Emerald, and imprudence.

I don't want to get into what is in each of these viewers, because there are so many new things, but I will point out a few.  The "Worn Items" tab in inventory is great.  Nice to see all the attachments that you forgot you had on.  Putting the windlight settings in a button on the main screen is great for photography also.  Some of the new minimap features are pretty cool too.  Each viewer has its own set of features, so you do have to try each one, and see which set of features you like.

The one feature that has been getting a LOT of chatter recently is the new "effects" option.  The actual name of it is "Enhanced physics on avatar breasts".  My name for it?  Jiggly Boobs.

I have been amazed at the chatter that this has caused.  What is even more amazing to me is that the chatter is coming from the women, not the guys.  I cannot tell you how many times after this feature was released that I would ask a friend what she was doing and the answer would be "standing here watching my boobs jiggle".  Swear to god! 

Anyway...I did not come here to talk about boobs.  I will save that for another day...:)

Back to my quest for speed.  I started with the main viewer as a benchmark.  My FPS was around 2, but even more so, it was just taking FOREVER to rezz textures and especially sculpties. 

I then moved on to the First Look, then Snowglobe.  Slowglobe seemed to run a bit better, but my FPS was still around 3, and while it seemed a bit faster, was not significant.  

Next was Imprudence, then Emerald.  I will admit that I looked around at some of the other new features added, but since it was not my main goal, I did not spend too much time on them.  I had to keep looking.  Honestly I was getting a bit sad, because nothing seemed to be helping.  I was beginning to think I was either just gonna have to bite the bullet on a new laptop, or minimum, try the video card upgrade I have read about on the web.  Either way, it was gonna take some work.

I looked at one other viewer, called "Cool Viewer".  The original one I downloaded did not seem to make that much difference.  I decided to give up for the night, because I was just too depressed.

As I woke up the next morning, something flashed in my memory.  I had seen something in my searches, or on plurk about another version of the Cool Viewer.  I came back to my desk, and started my search.

It didn't take long to find it.  Boy Lane had been working on a version of the Cool Viewer.  There was a note in her blog about how there was a problem with older ATI cards that caused them to run slow.  She had fixed it in her version.  It was not the latest and greatest version out there, but at this point, I didn't care.

I downloaded her version, and I could not believe the difference!   My frame rate was bouncing between 6 and 10 (which I know is still slow, but OMG!), but things were rezzing, sculpties were forming....and my typing was not delaying!  I just about jizzed in my..um..I mean..I was VERY excited!

I played around quite a bit on it, going to busy sims, some with lots of sculpties, some just with a lot of people.  I am sure compared to some of the newer laptops and desktops, I was still very slow, but on my system, Second Life had become completely usable again!

Now for the disclaimer.  This version may not help you, with your particular issues.  And it does not have all the new features that are coming out now in the Emerald and other viewers, but to be honest, while those features are nice, I would rather be fast.

I have seen this complaint over and over in discussion forums.  People screaming at LL to fix the reliability and speed of Second Life, and don't spend so much time on the frivolous new features.  I will make the same argument for my use of this version of Boy Lanes Cool Viewer.  Speed trumps fancy features.

You can fine Boy Lanes version of the Cool Viewer here (http://my.opera.com/boylane/blog/).

Now, for my final comment.  The fact that Boy Lane was able to find a way to fix a speed problem in the current drivers, makes me wonder how many other “issues” exist in the existing code that would speed the client up?  I have a few ideas of areas that probably need some serious work, given the work that I have done on my system.  I have looked into downloading all the source code to look around myself, but honestly, I have enough on my plate as it is.   So I am not complaining at all about all the work that has been done on the viewer so far.

I just wonder, given all the complaints that people have about speed, if there is anybody out there who DOES have the skills, and the time to work on the viewer, to look into some things that might make the client faster for everybody?

I hope that there is.  In the meantime, I would personally like to thank Boy Lane for all her work on the Cool Viewer.  She has made my Second Life usable again, and for that, I bow at her feet!

Happy Sunday Everybody!




Love Thursday

(Part 2 of Better, Stronger, Faster is still in the works, but given that it's Thursday, I felt this might be appropriate)

Son:  Dad, what do women want?

Me:  How much time do you have?

I have been dreading this day.  I knew it would come, but I have been dreading it.

As a parent, it's my job to educate my boys on how to be sucessful in the real world.  I have tried to be a good role model.  Both his mother and I have done our best to model a healthy relationship (which we happen to have, so it does not take any effort to model it).  As a father, I feel it is my job to help my boys be successful in matters of the heart as well, since I have, for the most part, been pretty darn successful.

But how do I answer this question?

It's a question that has been asked over and over, for time and memorial.  What do women want. What do men want.  And there are soo many different answers.

I have listened to what women have said they want.  Then watched them go after, or become involved with exactly the opposite.  I have also had women describe thier "perfect" guy.  Most of which fit me pretty well at the time.  Did they show any interest in me?  No, not really.  I was not sure how much help I was going to be!

The conversation continued while we walked the dogs...

Son:  There is this girl.  I like her a lot, but I don't know what to do to get her to notice me.

Me:  What is it about this girl that you like?

Son:  She is funny.  She has a great smile.  She is very smart, and talented (she is in chior and band)

Me:  Well, there are things you can do to maybe get her to notice you.  But most important:  Do not change who you are to try and win her over.  If she does not like you for who you are, then even if you are able to establish some sort of relationship, it will be a short one.

Son:  I am not sure what you mean.

Me:  You are going to meet lots of girls in your lifetime.  Some you will be attracted to, some you won't.  Some will be attracted to you, some won't.  Through it all, if you remain true to who you are, then the right girl will find you, and it will be what was meant to be.  But always remember, there will be girls that you fall for, that will not return your feelings.  That is ok.  It does not always work out.

Son: How will I know?

Me:  Listen to your gut.  Trust it.  There will be times when she is just not into you.  That does not mean you are not worthy.  I just means it was not meant to be with her.

Son:  But I really like her.

Me: I know.  I have been there.  You just have to trust that if it is suppose to happen, it will.  It might not happen on a time table you want (like NOW), and it may never happen.  But if you try and push it, or force it, trust me it will not work.

Son:  *sighs.  Ok, but she sure is cute.

Me:  *laughs.  I am sure she is.

(she is VERY cute actually.  My son has good taste, just like his dad)

As I sat down at the computer later that night, I was struck by a memory.  A memory of my youth, on how hard it was when the girl I liked didn't like me back.  It was heart wrenching.  It was painful.  I hated it.  I doubted myself.  I asked myself all the typical questions:  Why doesn't she like me?  She seems to like Billy..what makes Billy better than me?  I am a nicer person than Billy, so why would she like Billy more than me?  yada yada yada.

Through all those times, the one thing that was always there was that I knew I was a nice person.  I knew I was a good person.  Obviously there was something about me, that didn't "click" with said girl, and I may never know what that was, but I could not find anything in myself, that would NOT be attractive (No, I am not perfect, but I do try..;) ).  So I eventually chaulked it up to "she was just not into me".

I became a bit better at it as I grew older, and ended up meeting the woman of my dreams, getting married, having kids, the whole dream.  But I had a few relationships before her, and there were times when I just did not understand what I was doing wrong.

But that conversation with my son brought back a lot of those youthful memories.  Not all great memories, but memories just the same.  Memories of times where I didn't want to believe that someone I had feelings for, did not return those feelings.  It was very hard to accept.  Eventually, I had to accept them, and I learned from it.

Not having someone return my feelings does not invalidate those feelings, nor does it mean that person that didn't return them is a bad person.  As I told my son, she just "was not into me".  Simple as that.

It sounds easy.  It is not.  But when it is the truth, then it is the truth.  Let it go.  Which again, easier said than done.  Especially when you are young, and are dealing with all the raging hormones.  The heart wants what the heart wants, even if it is not reciprocated.

I am glad my son talks to me about these things.  I just hope I have had enough experience to help him through it.

I love being a dad, but there are times when I feel really stupid for losing the instruction manaul.

Happy Love Thursday everybody

Better, Stronger, Faster (Part 1)

Change is an interesting thing.  Sometimes it happens quickly, other times it happens so slowly you do not really notice it.  Then all of sudden you see it, and think.."when did THAT happen?".

I have had a few of those "When did that happen" moments recently, but I am only going to talk about one of them today.

A few weeks ago, I was popping around SL, shopping, playing with a few new vehicles I acquired, and just generally having a good time.  I had been noticing things were taking longer to render, but had not really paid that much attention to it.  Then I had my moment.  When it took my new home over 20 minutes to render, I knew something was wrong.

So I started out on my quest to find the problem.  I did all the things I have done in the past to get rid of lag problems.  I cleared my cache.  I checked all my drivers for updates.  I made sure Windows had all its updates.  I ran a full virus scan.  I ran a full spyware scan.  I made sure some other program had not snuck into my startup groups that might be running in the background. I did the works.

As you may have deduced, I have had a LOT of experience dealing with lag in SL.  Not only from my side, but helping friends deal with thiers also.  I am a research maniac, so when faced with a technical problem, I start digging, and don't stop until I am satisfied that there IS no solution, or I find it.

The quick end to this story, is that I am no longer lagging, in any significant way.  But for those who are interested, I thought I would share what I did to get here.

As I said, I started by looking around my system, to see what needed to be updated.  I learned many many...many...years ago, that before you dive into any sort of tech problem, always check for updated software.  I cannot tell you how many times I spent hours, if not days trying to solve a problem, then I finally would call the company and hear "oh, we fixed that in version x.y".  Always check for Windows and driver updates.

Virus scans.  I happen to use AVG (http://free.grisoft.com) for my virus protection.  I started using it with my clients many years ago, when Norton Antivirus finally became unusable for most people.  AVG does a great job, and does not try and take over my computer.   It is free for home/personal use, and updates on a daily basis.

Spyware:  I use Spybot (http://www.safer-networking.org ).  I load up the tea-timer option, which is resident.  It monitors the parts of the system that programs like to sneak into so they can load each time Windows does.  It can be a bit technical in its messages, but at least I know when something is trying to sneak in.  Spybot is also free, but does not update automatically.  I usually run a full scan about once every two week, after I manually update its signature files.

Auto loading:  There are many programs that will tell you what is loading each time Windows loads up, but I just use msconfig.  If I dont recognize a file that is loading, I just google it, and can usually find out what it is pretty darn fast.  You can run msconfig by clicking on the "Start" button, then "run" and type in "msconfig" (without the "'s).  The "startup" tab will show you all the programs that are loading on startup.

Combofix:  This is an amazing little program.  I was told about it by another IT friend, and it has saved my bacon a few times.   It is able to remove stuff most antivirus's cannot.  Download it from http://bleepingcomputer.com  Exit all of your programs, then just run it.  It will shut down most of the things running in the background, and scan for some very nasty stuff.  It will reboot your system, so be prepared for that.  Everybody should run this program.  You can download it from http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/combofix/how-to-use-combofix

Free Space:  Check your hard drive for free available space.  If you click on "My Computer", you should see all your hard drives.  Then go to the View Menu, and click on "details".  It will show you the total size of your drive, and the free space.  If you are under 1 gig, you may have a problem.   If you can, try freeing up some space, or upgrade to a larger hard drive.

Defragmenting:   I stopped doing this on a regular basis about 5 years ago.   Starting in Windows XP, Microsoft built in a rudimentary defragger.  Basically it means that Windows does some stuff that helps applications load faster after a few runs.  But even given that, over time your files definitly become fragmented on the hard drive.  This can cause a general slowdown of loading files, especially large files Ii.e. pictures, movies, graphics files, textures, etc).  I started using a free defragger called "defraggler" a little while ago, and I really do like it (http://www.defraggler.com).  One of the nice features it has is the ability to defrag only the free space, or even just a file or a folder.  I have defragged just the SL cache folder, and I do notice a difference on things loading.

Memory:  Memory is like money:  You can never have too much.   If you computer is low on memory, then it is working VERY hard to do all the things you are asking of it.  Quickest way to check:  Right mouseclick on "My Computer" (either on the desktop, or in the start menu), and then click "properties".  The tabbed box that comes up should be defaulted onto the "General" Tab.  At the bottom of that window, it should tell you all sorts of techie info, including how much RAM you have.  If you have less then 1 gig, you are really pushing things.   The cheapest thing you can do to upgrade your computer is to put in the maximum amount of RAM that your system can handle.  You will be amazed at how much faster things run when you have enough RAM.

Graphics/Video Cards:  If you are running a Desktop computer, this can be another fairly inexpensive upgrade to your system (If you are on a laptop, you are most likely stuck with what you have, sorry).  Many systems come with "built-in" graphics, usually an "Intel" graphics chip.  These are usually very basic, and while they do work, they are about as slow as you can get.  If you are going to look for an upgrade, you first have to know what type of card your system will take, which can get somewhat technical (i.e. PCI slot, PCI-Express Slot, AGI, etc).   What I can tell you is that the more ram you get on the video card, the better.  Also, you do not need to spend more than maybe $150 US Dollars for a card that will be MORE than enough for almost everybody (Graphic designers, engineers, animators are the exceptions).  I have purchased some very nice video cards with 512 megs of ram for around $80.  

More on Graphics:  There are two major Video Card Manufacturers out there.  ATI and Nvidia.   I have used both brands, and while each have thier issues at times, both run very well.   I have used ATI cards longer than Nvidia has been around, but I have had lots of experience with the NVidia's also and have not been disappointed.  It's hard for me to tell you exactly which one to get, because if you have every tried to compare these brands, its enough to drive you to drink with all the chipsets and model numbers etc.  I tend to look at the memory, and the price.  I have not been disappointed yet.

Second Life:  This is where it gets interesting.  This will be part 2.  Stay tuned