An Average Guy on Second Life

***Please Note - This entry is mostly about RL, and I only put it here because it is a bit long for a Plurk (http://www.plurk.com) so I just decided to put it here.  If you have no interest in reading something a little bout my RL, then I direct you back to whatever you were doing before.  :)***

As some of you already know, I am a part time DJ.  I do mostly weddings, but I also do school dances, corporate parties, birthday parties etc.  I have been doing it for about 4 years now, and I get lots of compliments on my events.  There have been up to 6 DJ's total working for the company I currently work for, and I have been the top tip earner for 3 years straight.

When you work alone on stuff like this, it is hard to see what you might improve on, because I don't see other DJ's do their thing.  I try and catch other events when I am not working, but it doesn't always work out for me to catch other DJ's doing thier thing.  I always strive to improve my work, so most of the time I am left with sefl evaluation only.

This past weekend I was able to help chaperone our local high schools Jr/Sr Prom.  My wife was in charge of the event, and even though they decided to NOT hire me for it (mock indignation inserted here), my event of that day ended early enough so I was able to come over and be there for the last 2.5 hours or so.  This gave me a very good sampling of how the DJ they did hire does his events.

Without going into too many details, I was not impressed.  His setup was not done right.  His speakers were too low, so while the base was able to be heard properly, his mids and highs were hidden behind a wall of kids, so the sound was not able to travel very far.  This made the music sound very muddled to most of the room.  I was able to get a good look at his setup from behind also.  All I could say was ...um...really?  Are you planning on using those turntables?   Are ya gonna scratch for us?   *shakes his head.

Even before I checked out his rig, I was listening to him.  His presentation was very broken.  He did not flow very well on the microphone.  Now I realize not many people would notice things like this, but it stood out to me right away.   He also had too much dead air between songs.  If you are trying to keep people dancing, you want to keep the music flowing.

At one point, the DJ instructed the kids to bring all the chaperone's out onto the dance floor.  My wife and I were standing over near the entrance, and about 20 kids ran over and grabbed both of us and pushed us onto the dance floor.  We even got the principle to come out and do a fun dance.  After we did our cute little dance, things just kinda stagnated.  Much to the chagrin of my wife, I asked the DJ if I could have the microphone.  He happily handed it over, not realizing what I was up to.

I started talking to the kids, getting them yelling, pumping them up.  I got them clapping, stomping, while my wife had the DJ cue up a song for me.   Just as I got the kids to a fever pitch, I queued the DJ, and we all exploded into a very fun dance.  The dance floor was just going crazy.  Wifey and I danced 2 more songs, then went back to our duties.   The dance floor settled back down into a steady group of dancers, and kept going for about anothe hour or so.

Overall, I do not think the DJ did a bad job.  It was just, nothing special.   His selection of music was appropriate for the most part.   There were only a few songs that I thought "really?  why would you play that".  And watching the kids on the dancefloor, I would say that overall they had a good time.   I did overhear the DJ talking to one of the event staff afterwards, complaining about how hard this event was, given that the school administration was fairly strick on the playlist.   Once again, to myself I was thinking "really?  hard?  are you kidding me?"

It is not often I get to compare myself to others in my profession, and I would definitly not put that DJ as somebody to try and emulate, but seeing how he did his job, I can look for other areas to improve my work, and not worry quite so much about some of the basic stuff I had worried about in the past.

So not only did wifey's prom go off very well, I ended up feeling pretty darn good about what I do, and how I do it.

Ok, I am done patting myself on the back now.

Happy Tuesday everybody!

.....usually.

I do try and be honest.   It's not always easy, and I don't always succeed at it.  Sometimes I am not honest because I think that being honest would just hurt someones feelings, or because I don't think it will accomplish anything.

I have had a few instances over the last several months, where I decided I didn't care about the consequences, and I was brutally honest with someone.  It was not the "I hate your shoes" type of honesty, but more of "This is how I felt about what you did".  I was hurt by something, and even though it was MY hurt, and I did not "blame" the other person for my hurt, for some reason I was driven to make sure they knew about it.

The funny thing is, that after I expressed my "feelings" on the issue, I noticed that my anger and frustration about that particular situation seemed to diminish greatly.   I should qualify this, cause this "discussion" I had was not in any sort of public forum.   It was a private conversation.   We were having a discussion and while it started out as a casual conversation, it turned to a subject I was not happy with, and I brought up how I was feeling.

Anyway, I did find it interesting how much my "pent up" anger and frustration was now gone after that particular conversation.  For the most part, I do not "fight" with people.   I honestly feel that words spoken in anger do more harm than good.  I would like to think that in this particular instance, that while I was "angry", what I expressed was not a just said to spite someone, but was a true expression of how something made me feel.

I don't think this experience is going to make me start going around telling everybody about how something makes me feel, but I think I might be a little more open to, given the right circumstance, express my "feelings" about something to help me process through it, and then let it go.

It is interesting however, to note that while talking to others about an "issue" can be helpful (i.e. bff's, significant others, therapists etc), I think it is not quite the same as actually telling the person you have the "issue" with.   This is not always possible, and usually can lead to more arguements.   I don't recommend just blindly going out and telling every person you have "issues" with exactly how you feel about them, because truely the "issues" are with you.   But if there is someone in your life that you are "angry" with, and you think you have a good handle on "why" you are angry (i.e. what is it that you are "really" angry about), if that person is important enough to you, you might be able to have that conversation about it, and then maybe you can get past it and start moving forward again.

Most people are not able to handle someone telling them exactly how they felt about something they did.    Most will get defensive and take it like an attack on them, which kinda defeats the purpose.  This personal experience however, has made me realize that even if I am listening to someone tell me how something I did made them feel bad, or angry, or sad, or whatever, it is important to let them express those feelings, because while I cannot undo something that I might have done, hopefully by being honest with me about it, it will not fester and become something much bigger than it has to be.  Unresolved anger/frustration is nothing but a cancer that eats away at our very soul, so I hope I can be a better friend/husband/father by taking what people might tell me, and hearing it for what it truly is, an opportunity for growth.

I can always hope, right?

Happy Friday everybody!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everybody!

....THINK!

As you may have already figured out, I think a lot.   I also observe a lot.   I think about observation a lot.  I observe thinking, not so much unfortunately.

I am a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do.   I have taught classes for years, and I always enjoy that "WOW" moment from kids when you show them something very exciting and new.

I was teaching an Adult class the other day, and I had one of those "WOW" moments from a few of the adults when I did a very simple demonstration.

This was an off the cuff idea, that came from teaching a Womens Selft Defense class last summer.  The demonstration had to do with the power of the mind.

If you have a baby around your house, or you remember it well enough, you will know what I mean when I describe this.

The demonstration I did was how easy it is to change your body with just your mind.    I had one of the smallest girls in class come up to help me.   I stand behind her, and using a bear hug, pick her up.   It was very easy, given that she is a tiny little thing.

Next, I tell her to imagine that she is a concrete block.   Thats it.  Picture it in her mind.   She does, and I TRY to pick her up.   When I say try, I mean TRY!   I cannot do it, no matter how hard I try.

I have the rest of the class try it.  It works EVERY SINGLE TIME!

How does a baby play into this?   Think about it.   When a child WANTS to be picked up, it's pretty easy to pick them up.  If the do NOT want to be picked up, they weigh a ton.  SAME PRINCIPLE!

So, if all it takes to change the density of your body is simply picturing yourself as a block of concrete, imagine what you could do if you focused on, say, other stuff?

Think about it.  And do the test yourself.   I dare you!  :P

Have a wonderful Hump Day everybody!

Today is a very special day in my world.

Today is the day that my first child was born.   Actually at 10:43pm on April 14th my first son was born.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a father.   Having children was never something that we just did, both of my kids were very, and I mean VERY, planned.  But even with all that, it has still been a very interesting journey through this.

I remember the day very well.   My wife and I took all the baby classes, and we were very book smart when it came to the whole process.  We had EVERYTHING planned out, down to making mixed tapes for the hospital room of all my wifes favorite songs.  But as things rarely do, it was not long before our PLAN was out the window.

It was a pretty normal Thursay for us.   I was already home from work, because our due date was passed (by about 2 days I think).  This day was seemingly going to pass by without any activity also.   Then it started.

In all the classes, they talk about how things build up slowly and that you will just know.  Well not for us.   When the contractions started, they started HARD.  After a few of them, I called the hospital to let them know we were on our way.   I got the typical "oh, first time parent overreacting" tone from the nurse, so I listened and then told the wife what she said.   One more big contractions, and we both said "fuck them, we are cominig NOW".   Which is pretty much what I told them when I called them back.

On the way to the hospital, I called all the appropriate friends (we only had my sister in law in the area family wise) to let them know that it was happening.   We got to the hospital, with all our crap, and they casually brought us in, and got us up to the room.   They were moving very slowly, which was very irritating, but I kept my mouth shut.

They FINALLY get wifey on the bed, and the nurse examines her.   "OH!"  she says, "You are already at 3 cm!" and BOOM, the whole demeanor changed.  I really wanted to yell 'THANK YOU! THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN SAYING!" but I didn't.   I was holding her hand, and tryng to keep her focused.

So there I am, bent over my wife, talking and breathing with her.   Keep in mind, I am 6'4" tall, so I was bent over in half basically to keep in her face.  After a few more contractions she says to me "honey, stand up, you are gonna pass out".   Evidently my face was not looking good, not realizing that I was having trouble breathing bent over like that.  Fortunatly I did NOT pass out.

So things were moving along, but not quite fast enough for my wife.  There was a woman in our baby class that had her kid after like 2 hours of labor.   So when the 2 hour mark passed, wifey was getting irritated (playfully so mostly, but still).   So it was just us in the room, and we are kidding around when another contraction hits..and HARD.   She is holding my hand, and telling me to go get the nurse, because the meds are wearing off.   I start to move and she says "NO!  Don't leave me!".

Ok, so here I am, I need to go get the nurse, but I cannot leave my wifes side.  "Honey, I will be RIGHT back".  "No! Stay here".   "but you want the nurse!  I cant stay here and get the nurse also."  (don't even start telling me about the call button, it was a stressful moment).   "Yell for her!" she says.  "um..no.  I am not gonna yell for the nurse, I will be RIGHT back".  "FINE!" she playfully scorns me as I head out the door.

So as I said, nothing in our plans actually came about.   "Honey, would you like to listen to your music?"  "NO!"  Ok, I am just gonna stand here then.

We finally are at 10cm.   Nurses buzzing about, but no Doctor.   I ask about him. "Oh, he is on his way".  Really?  from where, MARS?  Wife starts wanting to push, but no Dr. yet.   Can she have more pain meds?   Nope, too late now.  WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DR!

FINALLY he arrives.  He swoops in, gets his gown on, gloves etc.   He sits down on his little rolly chair, and rolls up between my wifes legs, and said "ok, are you ready?"  "YES!  You are a little late there buddy, I have been ready for 5 minutes!" (she makes me laugh so hard sometimes).  He laughs and says "ok, lets push".

Three pushes later, and VUUUWOOOMP!   There he is!  9lbs 2 (maybe 3) oz baby boy.  He was a big sucker too!

They check him out, and clean him up, while I keep holding wifeys hand.   She is tired, but doing fine.   They finally brought him over to us, and he was just the UGLIEST little thing in the world (Kidding, I tell him this story though, and I cannot help but say that).   He really was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Funny little side story.   My Sister in law was in the waiting room during this whole process.  The woman in the room next to ours, was screaming bloody murder the entire time through her delivery, and my sister though it was us.   She was in complete panic.   I wandered out after all was said and done, and she jumps all over me about "what the FUCK is going on in there!".   I look at her very confused and say "All is fine, he wasa 9lbs blah blah, and its all good!".  She is completely confused, until the other woman started screaming again, finally realizing it was not her sister that was being cut up into little pieces and fed to a meatgrinder (from the sounds).

Anyway, that day, changed my life.   I finally became what I had wanted to be.   A DAD!

I don't get to tell him this today, because he is on some remote island studying dolphins and octopy and other marine animals, but to my son I say this:  I am SOO proud of you!   Happy 16th Birthday!

Good morning!

I am blogging this morning because I have been itching to write for a while now, but have not been able to come up with anything important to say.  And this blog entry will be a perfect example of this problem.

I really don't have anything interesting to say, so I am going to write about...writing.

I don't know how it is with you, but for me talking and writing are extremely theraputic.   I don't mean "how's the weather" talking/writing, I mean deep, meaningful, thoughtful talking/writing.  Having to describe something, or express a thought or emotion is hard work, but is very helpful to me.

As an example, my wife and I rarely fight.  Sure we have disagreements, but never a real outloud yelling fight.   I hate fighting, because things are usually said that can never be taken back.

One day several years ago, my wife said something to me that just really, really angered me.   When I get angry, I get very quiet.   I actually didn't say a single word to my wife for 3 days.  She knew she had done something, but had no idea what.

During those three days, I really tried to figure out what I was really mad at.  What she said to me was by itself, pretty mild, but it was "the straw that broke the camels back" on an issue that had been building up for many years.  I didn't want to say anything until I really understood what it was that was really behind my apparent anger.

So during those 3 days, I wrote letter after letter to my wife, trying to describe what I was angry about.  That process helped me identify what was really going on in my head, and allowed me to filter through all the crap that was easy to say, but not really relevant to what was really going on.

After 3 days, I finally was able to filter it down to the real issue.  Once I had that figured out, I was able to present my issue calmly and somewhat rationally.   We climbed into the bath together, and talked it out.   It was a very good talk, and it really made a huge difference in our relationship.

I learned from that, and from many other times, that having to form a thought either into words written down, or verbalized to somebody else allows me to see how valid my thought might actually be.  It allows me to hear it outloud, and look at it from a slightly different perspective.  Many times I will write something down, or say it, and then realize how silly it is.  Even with that, I was at least able to process it out, and move on from it.

Some might say that fighting and saying things in anger does the same thing.   I would be hard pressed to argue that point, but I do like to really think about what I am saying before it slips out of my mouth.  I have this talk with my kids often, about how I choose my words very carefully (most of the time), so please listen with as much energy as I took to choose the right words to say.

I would say the process of writing ones thoughts down is similiar to trying to teach someone something that you have been doing for many years.  I am going through this right now as I am teaching my oldest how to drive.   I have to think about the process once again, instead of just relying on habit.  Thinking about all that we do when we are driving has been reeducational for me.  It definitely reminds me of the old saying, that if you really want to understand a subject, teach it to somebody else.

So what does this all mean?  Well, it says to me, that communication is key to human mental evolution.  How can we grow, unless we express and communicate with each other.  I know that once I learned how to write, I have been a better communicator.  Maybe it is just me, but I know I am not all that unique in the word, so maybe it is significant.

I think I might promote the idea of a journal to my boys.   Both my boys are avid readers, and maybe writing stuff down on a daily basis will be as benificial to them as it has been to me.

Don't you just love this process!

Have a wonderful Tuesday everybody!

This particular blog has absolutely nothing to do with Second Life, so if you absolutely have no interest in reading anything real, click away now!

Hi, thanks for staying.

So today my oldest son and his high school band are competing in a concert and jazz band competition.  The competition is right across the street from my office, so I get to go watch him!   I am very excited.

When I was in band (yes, I am a MAJOR band geek!), we did the same thing.  One thing is different though.  In the state I grew up in, when we did these competitions there was a different component.  For all you band geeks out there, it was called "sight reading".

Basically how it worked was that we were given sealed envelopes of our music.  Our director was given 10 minutes or so to preview the score, and make notes.  Then, we were given 5 minutes to open our music, have our director point out thing he felt were significant, then we had to play it!

Of course this was only one part of the overall competition, but it was kinda exciting to read something brand new like that, but it was also scary as hell.

For histories sake, my HS band ususally did VERY well at both these types of competitions and marching and field shows as well.  We were a hell of a band, and had the racks and racks of trophies to show for it.  

When I asked my son about this last night, he looked at me kinda funny.  "We don't do that dad" he told me.  WHAT!   I was stunned.  Once I recovered, I got so good old fashion dad ribbing in, which was tons of fun.

Even though they are not going to "sight read", I am very excited to see my son play today.  His HS band is the band to beat this year.  They say the nut doesn't fall far from tree.   I only hope he gets all my good stuff, and none of the not so good stuff.

I think I am gonna turn this into my Love Thursday post since I have not done one in a while, and I love my son, and I love good music!

Have a wonderful Thursday everybody!