An Average Guy on Second Life

Good morning!

I am blogging this morning because I have been itching to write for a while now, but have not been able to come up with anything important to say.  And this blog entry will be a perfect example of this problem.

I really don't have anything interesting to say, so I am going to write about...writing.

I don't know how it is with you, but for me talking and writing are extremely theraputic.   I don't mean "how's the weather" talking/writing, I mean deep, meaningful, thoughtful talking/writing.  Having to describe something, or express a thought or emotion is hard work, but is very helpful to me.

As an example, my wife and I rarely fight.  Sure we have disagreements, but never a real outloud yelling fight.   I hate fighting, because things are usually said that can never be taken back.

One day several years ago, my wife said something to me that just really, really angered me.   When I get angry, I get very quiet.   I actually didn't say a single word to my wife for 3 days.  She knew she had done something, but had no idea what.

During those three days, I really tried to figure out what I was really mad at.  What she said to me was by itself, pretty mild, but it was "the straw that broke the camels back" on an issue that had been building up for many years.  I didn't want to say anything until I really understood what it was that was really behind my apparent anger.

So during those 3 days, I wrote letter after letter to my wife, trying to describe what I was angry about.  That process helped me identify what was really going on in my head, and allowed me to filter through all the crap that was easy to say, but not really relevant to what was really going on.

After 3 days, I finally was able to filter it down to the real issue.  Once I had that figured out, I was able to present my issue calmly and somewhat rationally.   We climbed into the bath together, and talked it out.   It was a very good talk, and it really made a huge difference in our relationship.

I learned from that, and from many other times, that having to form a thought either into words written down, or verbalized to somebody else allows me to see how valid my thought might actually be.  It allows me to hear it outloud, and look at it from a slightly different perspective.  Many times I will write something down, or say it, and then realize how silly it is.  Even with that, I was at least able to process it out, and move on from it.

Some might say that fighting and saying things in anger does the same thing.   I would be hard pressed to argue that point, but I do like to really think about what I am saying before it slips out of my mouth.  I have this talk with my kids often, about how I choose my words very carefully (most of the time), so please listen with as much energy as I took to choose the right words to say.

I would say the process of writing ones thoughts down is similiar to trying to teach someone something that you have been doing for many years.  I am going through this right now as I am teaching my oldest how to drive.   I have to think about the process once again, instead of just relying on habit.  Thinking about all that we do when we are driving has been reeducational for me.  It definitely reminds me of the old saying, that if you really want to understand a subject, teach it to somebody else.

So what does this all mean?  Well, it says to me, that communication is key to human mental evolution.  How can we grow, unless we express and communicate with each other.  I know that once I learned how to write, I have been a better communicator.  Maybe it is just me, but I know I am not all that unique in the word, so maybe it is significant.

I think I might promote the idea of a journal to my boys.   Both my boys are avid readers, and maybe writing stuff down on a daily basis will be as benificial to them as it has been to me.

Don't you just love this process!

Have a wonderful Tuesday everybody!