An Average Guy on Second Life

I have not been writing much lately. Even though I have been incredibly busy, I really miss writing, for many reasons.

I have had experiences and thoughts that I have been working through, and I might write about them, I might not. I might write about them, but never actually publish what I write, because honestly, nobody really cares about my little life, and nobody should, because it is MY life, and quite honestly, it is not that interesting.

I also have lots of neat items that I have either been given, or found in SL that I want to write about. I just have been a bit overwhelmed lately, but either I am just getting better at dealing with it all, or things are starting to settle down. Not sure which yet.

BUT.....

There is something that has been on my mind recently.

I have had this "concept" in my head for quite a while, something that I have observed in people for many many years, but have not really been able to crystallize down.

Many years ago, I worked for a software company. We had our engineering dept at one end of the building, and it was off limits to all personnel except the engineers. Pretty standard stuff.

One day, one of our new hires (not in engineering) came in, and told me that he could not work for us anymore. When I asked him why, he said that it was because it was obvious that we were doing illegal things in the "engineering dept" because otherwise why would nobody be allowed back there.

I just stared at him. I told him that if that was the way he felt, then he was making the right decision.

Just for disclosure, there was nothing illegal going on in there, just the development of a cutting edge software application. Since nobody had done what we were doing, it was important to keep it secure. It was that simple.

What made it even more interesting was I actually saw that persons name in the paper about 3 months later, for being arrested for fraud. Something about credit card numbers or something.

That experience kinda stuck with me. Not sure why, but it always stayed with me. Over time, I began to see an interesting pattern in people.

I have had many more experiences where somebody accused somebody I know of something that was totally off base, only later to find out that the person doing the accusing was actually doing the exact thing that they were accusing my friend of.

I have been trying to understand this phenomenon. Some people call it misdirection. A person is trying to deflect attention away from their own sins, by accusing other people of the same sins.

I think I have finally found a more appropriate description of it. It's called Psychological projection.

Psychological projection

Now obviously this is not 100%, but I have seen it so often in RL, and more and more in SL, where people accuse others of certain sins out of anger, or insecurity. Then come to find out, usually with proof behind it, that the accuser is either actually the guilty one, or at least just as guilty as the person they are accusing.

This is not to say that victims should not be taken seriously. I don't mean that at all. What I am saying is that there are many times, when the accuser needs to be looked at just as closely.

I really wonder, how much of this is happening out there. How much of this affects how people view the world. I know from my own RL, that my sister views the world as a crime ridden cesspool, because her husband is a police officer, and that is what she hears about all the time.

How much of our worldview, is solely based on how we view ourselves, and project outward, to maybe make ourselves feel normal?

Something for me to think about on my way home tonight. I have been told it's Taco night...so I will try not to think TOO much about it..:)

I had never really considered myself an "investor" before. I had an image of a banker type, or someone with money to spare that would start to use that extra cash to invent in things. I never thought I was in any of those categories.

Recently it has become clear to me that I AM an investor. I would even argue that every single one of us are investors.

What do I mean by this? We invest in things every day. We invest time, energy, money, even ourselves into many different things in our lives.
We invest in ourselves (education), other people (partners, kids, friends), even causes (political, social).

If you have even done any reading on investing (which usually centers around the stock market), there is a theme that seems to carry through just about any book on the subject. One of the major rules of investing: Do not get emotionally involved in your investment.

Now while this is very good advise when dealing with the stock market, it is a bit different when you are investing in yourself, another person, your family, etc. It's almost impossible to NOT get emotionally invested when a family member is spirally down into a pit (of which there are many). You put your time, energy, and even money into that investment, many many times, with little hope for a return (the return of that family member to something better).

But we do get emotionally invested in many of these things. We pour our heart and soul into many of these "investments". We see it everyday, people getting married, starting a business, having children, finding a cause that excites us, etc. We devote ourselves to what ever it is, for us, at that time.

Then, something happens. A relationship changes, a business starts to crumble (or never really takes off), a family member moves down a wrong path, or a million other things. Many times, the signs are pretty clear. Heck, sometimes the signs can be screaming in your face, but we don't listen...we have too much invested to walk away. This is a crucial point. This is when things become almost dangerous.

When a decision is made to ride out a bad investment because "I have too much invested in this already" or "I know it will turn around, I just have to be patient", the potential for disaster really starts to grow. Decisions are made not on facts, history, trends, etc, they are made solely on wants, needs and fear. When decisions are based solely on wants, needs, and fear, the potential for gimongous (Yes, I said gimongous) disastrous events grows exponentially.

It doesn't always have to be a gimongous (I plan on using this word a lot, so get used to it) crash, but the potential is there. I have seen it happen around me, and to me quite a bit recently. I have seen RL businesses fail, RL families torn apart, SL relationship go nuclear, all because an investment went bad, and all the signs that were screaming out were ignored, or thought temporary.

Does this mean that we should not be emotionally involved in our investments? Not at all! Many investments actually require emotional involvement. I think we need to try and RECOGNIZE when our investment decisions are based purely on emotions, and when we are ignoring other facts, to our eventual detriment. Maybe we need to ask ourselves some harsh questions more often.

Maybe we need to remove the emotion from an investment, just for a few moments, to see what it looks like without it. Is this even possible? I honestly don't know. I do know, that after an investment has gone completely out, and you THEN look back, it's easy to see where it changed, where certain things SHOULD have been done, or a change in strategy MIGHT have actually lessened the loss, but wasn't done because of the "emotional" investment involved.

I do believe that any "investment" can be analysed from a purely unemotional viewpoint. Should all investment decisions be made this way? I don't think so, but I do think that it can be a healthy and productive part of any investment strategy. This seemingly simple step, might help keep your investment from causing harm, to you and those around you.

So there it is. I am an investor. You are an investor. You just don't know it yet.

Am I a good investor? Probably not yet. But recognizing something..is the first step.

So my good friend Alicia Chenaux came up with the Big Bad Blogger Challenge. I usually don't do blogger challenges for several reasons.

1. I don't really consider myself a "Blogger". I just play with toys and talk about them.

2. I usually don't have time to do them.

3. They are usually about girlie stuff, to which I usually dont have much to contribute to.

This particular challenge runs over several days, and I have seen several great entries for them. Again, I just have not had the time to keep up.

But today..for some reason, I got it into my head to do one of the themes: If there was someone you could trade places with for one day in Second Life, who would it be and why?

So here goes.



I would like to trade places with Truth Hawks for 1 whole day. Why? Let me 'splain.

1. It would be interesting to see what it would feel like to actually have talent!

2. I might get a sneak peak at his next work of amazing..and hold it over my friends heads for a little bit.

3. I might be able to influence him to make more GUY hair!

4. I would have is Avatar eat more...he is a SKINNY little dude!

5. I would upgrade his dances ...so I dont have to keep adding him to my Huddles

6. Being Truth for a day, would give me a break from my stalker.

So, as I log in as Truth, I weed through ALL the messages he gets, I scan the "in process" folders for unreleased stuff, then start to peruse down his friends list. That is when I see it! My stalker...IS ON HIS LIST TOO! *facepalms

Damn..well, 5 out of 6 ain't bad!

*thanks to Truth for indulging me with this little lark AND...thanks to the Amazing Rylan, for not only thinking I am crazy...but for helping me with the pic when I was getting frustrated!

I my previous post, I laid out 3 "types" of people that inhabit the world of Second Life. In the third type, I referred the the phrase "It's only a game". I have heard this phrase used about Second Life many times, and it always confused me a bit, mostly because I don't consider it "Just a game". Tonight, I had a small epiphany.

A game is a game. Poker, Chess, Football, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Nascar, Barrel Rolling, Downhill Shovel Racing, and even Politics are all games. Some games have higher stakes than others, but when it gets right down to it, its ALL, "just a game". The difference is how much energy each player puts into whatever "game" they are playing. Heck, people make entire lives out of "games". Careers are created, maintained, and die, playing "games". People are born, live, and die..in games. It has been said, that all the world...is a game. (Actually, I believe it was "All the world is a stage", but you get what I mean..:) )

So when somebody says Second Life "is just a game", I think they really don't understand. Of COURSE it's a game. But EVERYTHING is a game.

So, here is something I want you to really think about.

Maybe it really IS not whether you win or lose...but HOW....you PLAY...."The Game"!

*smiles, and slowly turns, heading back to his favorite spot for some more playtime

(sung to the tune of People are People by Depeche Mode)

I have been thinking a lot about Avatars in Second Life recently. Just doing a bit of introspective study of myself and others. I don't know if its just me, or human nature to try and categorize things, but I think I have come up with something.

There is always something dramatic happening around in Second Life. It either starts in Plurk and spills over onto the Grid, or visa versa. It's usually about something that somebody did, or said, or didn't say, etc etc etc. All this Avatar interaction, which is really just an extention of human interaction, is really just different types of people...misunderstanding each other in my humble opinion.

It seems to me, that there are 3 basic types of Avatars (and the people behind them) that are in Second Life.


Type 1. The very serious Avatar

This Avatar takes everything very seriously in Second Life. As serious as they take their Real Lives I would hope, but there is nothing funny, or light hearted about this Avatar at all. Everything these Avatars do and say are done and said with complete seriousness, just as if there were interacting with you in Real Life.


Type 2. The occasional serious but usually light hearted Avatar.

This Avatar takes some things very seriously in Second Life, but also knows that much of it is just for fun. Each Avatar in this catagory has some things they take seriously in Second Life. What does this Avatar take seriously? It could be anything really, but there is something or things they they take very seriously in Second Life, while the rest of it is all for fun, or just ignored.


Type 3. The complete lack of seriousness Avatar.

This Avatar is only interested in fun. Nothing about Second Life is taken seriously at all. They travel within the world of Second Life, and do anything they please, without any regard to anything really. These people can be griefers, although not all of them are. These Avatars can be judgemental, but always cover it by saying "oh, its all in fun". This Type of Avatar will usually move around the Grid in a group. Sometimes you hear them in voice, laughing at what they see, or hear. They may do different Role Plays, try different things out, but all of it is just "playing in the moment". After all, Second Life is "just a game".

(Each one of these "Types" have subcatagories, some of which are way to numerous to list. This is just a simple comparison list for pete's sake! :) )

The above catagories are not judgements, but an an attempt to illustrate a point. It would seem to me that where most of the problems that occur with Avatar interactions is when you get incompatible types of Avatars together. If you put a Type 1 Avatar together with a Type 3, I would predict that they would not get along well. Maybe for a short time...but eventually it will fall apart, usuallly involving drama of some sort. I have even seen two Type 2's have issues, because what each one took seriously was not the same thing.

Maybe the trick is to really identify what Type you are, and surround yourself with like Types?

It does remind me of the E-Harmony commercials you see on TV or hear on the radio. 39 levels of compatibility testing (or something like that) to find your perfect match, or your money back...yada yada yada.

Maybe once Linden Labs is finished moving all the "adult" stuff into a lock box (um...I mean..the ZINDRA SIM), they can come up with a way to indentify your "Type" of avatar, and then they can customize your Second Life experience THAT way too. Just a thought.

So I guess the next question is...what Type are you?

*runs

The Universe is full of opposition. Plus and minus, good and evil, coke and 7-up, etc etc etc. The universe is also full of things that are neutral. Because we humans are emotional creatures, we often times attach emotional value to "things", but in reality, they are just things.

Second Life is a "thing". It does things, allows things to happen. It's an enabler, a catalyst. I would say Second Life is like money. When you have either (or both, hopefully), you have "opportunities".

It is said that your "character" is defined by what you do when nobody is looking. Second Life is a HUGE character mill, because essentially, nobody is looking (from the outside that is). So, how do you treat people...and yourself...when nobody is looking?

Griefers are easy to define. Somebody who is unhappy, who goes out of their way, spends time and effort to make sure nobody else is happy. I get that. They are honest about it. I respect that.

What I am having trouble with recently is this. People who pretend to be happy. They pretend to be your friend, or lover, or business partner, etc. They manipulate you to where they want you, then they drop the hammer on you. They ask you to do things that you would not normally do, just for thier own entertainment purposes. Or they literally rob you, whether it be of Lindens, your friends, your business, or something else that you have placed value on.

I understand Roleplay. But in roleplay, all parties involved understand the rules, and have signed onto it. The above, is not roleplay.

I understand the desire to be social. We are social creatures. I honestly believe we are not designed to be alone. But I also do not believe we are designed to be with just ANYBODY. When we decide that anybody is better than nobody, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position. We allow people to manipulate us, or we end up manipulating someone else, because we don't want to be "alone".

What does that say about us? What is it about ourselves, that we do not like? Why can we not stand to be by ourselves?

For me, if I cannot stand to be by myself, why would anybody else want to be with me? It would seem logical that in order for people to want to be around me, I should be someone that someone would WANT to be around? How would being an ass, or a jerk, or just someone who is not pleasant, draw people into my life?

I know there are people who "pretend" to be happy, easy going, and fun. I give them credit for trying, but I feel sad for those who cannot seem to make it true in all parts of thier lives. I wonder how much these people are waiting for someone to "make" them happy.

I do not expect someone to "make" me happy. I "am" happy. I have people that enhance that happiness, every day. I want these people in my life, I let them know how much they mean to me, as often as possible.

I also have people that I wish were happy. I love them, and I pray for them everyday. I pray that they will wake up one day, and realize that its up to "them" to be as happy as they can be. I pray that they will have that "aha" moment, and truly become happy. Some have been there before, and lost it, others, are just looking. I think about these people everyday, to help the universe direct the right energy to them.

I rarely get mad. There are few things in life, that really piss me off. One of these things is, however, when someone treats someone I care about, wrong. I don't know if its my protective nature (I am a Leo) or what....but I get REALLY angry, when someone treats another human being, with such a lack of basic respect, that it makes that you wonder what type of person they really are.

There is something to be said for the anonymity of Second Life that is freeing. I have known, and know, several people that have had VERY positive life changing things happen to them because of Second Life. I also know people, that seem to think that Second Life gives them a license to just be the biggest ass they can, for reasons I cannot understand. It would seem to me, that given the freedom of Second Life to be ANYTHING you want...why would you be something you are not proud of...in any world?

We have the ability to choose the type of person we want to be, in both worlds. Second Life is a perfect opportunity to test out a new outlook, maybe even a new life...to see how it works, before moving these new ideas into the real world. I see soo many people just wasting this fabulous opportunity, it really makes me sad.

The point of all this? Outside of this being a way from me to vent my frustration and anger, I hope that the idea I put forth, will spark something in somebody...to wake up, and really begin to think about what you have gotten yourself into, and at what expense. Is it really worth it?

Ok...rant over.

And now..for a brand new thing I am starting. I have been having SOOOO much fun recently, I want to give a bit back.

But before I do, let me say this. The people that have come into my Second Life, some recently, some not so recent, have been so amazingly nice, and make me laugh so hard, every single day. I cannot thank them enough, for just being them, and for letting me be part of THEIR lives.

So, here is my new little game, or contest if you will.

Its called, Name those Bewbs!

I will post a picture of a pair of bewbs on my blog, and on plurk. I will collect the names of the people who make a guess at the owner of the bewbs in question. At the end of 2 days, the actual owner, will pick a name out of the list of people who submitted a guess, and that person will get a $1,000 linden gift card, or its equivalent, to thier favorite store in SL.

The actual owner of the bewbs will not be revealed, unless the owner gives the ok..:)

So..here is our first official "Name those Bewbs" entry!





(I will give a hint..its NOT who you think it is!)

Now, all official guesses must be email to me at aldwynzanz@gmail.com, no later than 48 hours after this is posted.

One guess per person please, so make it count!

Ok everybody..let the guessing BEGIN!

*fires his starting gun!

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get!

The only thing that never changes in life is that there will always be change.

Ok, enough of the “quotes”. Second Life, as in Real Life, is constantly changing whether we like it or not. Sometimes we accept the changes willingly, other times we fight them tooth and nail.

One of the biggest things to change is when people come into, or out of our lives. New people, or even just a change with someone you already know, is very exciting. It opens up that exciting realm of possibilities, and the excitement of a new journey.

It is especially hard though, when someone leaves your life. They leave for all sorts of reasons, some that you never fully understand, but you must accept that it’s for the best. You never want them to go, because they are a part of you, but you cannot force them to stay either. It has to be…something that they want, otherwise…nobody is happy.

I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. I believe the forces of the universe are always at work, and while it’s important to work hard to “make” things happen, there are also things that “just” happen, and in my experience, these “just happenings” are a very good thing.

I have friends, who are of the mindset that their lives are already laid out for them, and really don’t do much to “make” things happen, because it’s already done for them. I also have friends, some very good ones, which seem to say one thing, but do another. I accept this about them, because I love them, but I am not sure I understand it.

I have discovered that people who are not consistent with their words and their deeds, generally speaking are not very happy people. I think it has to do with the internal conflict inside, because they KNOW they are not consistent, but cannot seem to rectify it. I am guessing at this, because I know I am not happy when I cannot walk the walk. Granted things are rarely as simple as black and white, but I do try very hard, to be consistent in my word, and my deed.

Anyway, as stated above, change is inevitable. There have been some changes for me recently, some sad, some fun, some amazingly great! I have had very close friends, who have decided to fade out of my life, and I have had new friends enter, to my extreme benefit.

For the friends that have faded, I love you all, I miss you, and I hope you find all that you are looking for. I hope the universe finds it in their wisdom to bring you back around someday, just as they found the wisdom to bring you into my life in the first place. I will be here, as I always am.

As for the people that have recently been unwittingly added to my universe, welcome! Padded rooms are down the hall, cookies are on the table, and try not to make a mess, it’s hard enough to clean up after myself. Oh, and btw, if you ever need ANYTHING, do not hesitate to ask, you know how to reach me.

This is my Love Thursday contribution, because as hard as change can be, I love it, and would not have it any other way!