Do you know....

...who you really are?

Do you have a vision of yourself? Do you run scenarios in your head such as "if this were to happen, how would I react"?

I do this a lot. I will look at what I will be doing on any particular day and let my head run through scenarios on how I will handle certain things, if they were to happen.

When I was younger, I would do this with school, girls, work, family, just about anything. I would have scenarios running through my head all the time. Was not alway great for the attention span, but I have this fear of being in a situation, and having NO idea what to do.

I think the fear of being helpless is probably one of my greatest fears, next to my fear of being misunderstood. I have never wanted to be in a situation where I would just...give up. I cannot even fathom that.

Before I joined Second Life, I had a pretty good idea about who I was. What type of person I was. One the things that just intrigued the hell out of me about our little world here is that I could try out different things that I had never tried before, see if I liked it. With all the role playing, and abilities to become anything I want, I did find it interesting to discover, that heck, I really like ME, I like who I am.

This experience has really reinforced the person that I am. I have found a world where the current rules of our societies do not exist in the same form. Many of the limitations of our Real Life existance do not exist in Second Life. What type of person would I be in that world?

How wierd is it to discover that the person I am is actually the person I would CHOOSE to be, give the opportunity to be ANYTHING, or ANYONE, I want?!

Now I will admit..there are times, where I see a result that someone gets, that I was not able to achieve, and think.."damn, I should look at how that was done, cause I would like some of that". But more often than not, I find that what that person did to achieve that goal, was not only not the type of person I am or wanted to be, but the results that I thought were attractive, was only temporary.

So I run scenarios. If I do this, what will the outcome be. Will it be temporary? or permanent. How much energy will be required to get said desired result. Is that result actually worth the energy? How much energy will be requried to maintain the desired result? Is it worth it?

This all makes for some very interesting conversations in my head. I ask myself questions. What does "this" really mean. Why did I react THAT way, in this particular circumstance. Why did that action make me (sad, mad, happy, etc). What was it about that, that really triggered that emotion.

Some might say that I think TOO much. There are times when I would agree with that. But most of the time, it's all of these thoughts, and conversations, and scenarios, that have helped me be who I am. Helped me be able to NOT react in certain ways, because I know, or at least have a pretty good idea, why I MIGHT react that way, and can look at myself, and say "hmm..well, that sucks, but...I can handle it".

I truly wonder, how much of a freak this all makes me. Do other people do this? Do other people...think about who they are? What kind of person they currently are, and what kind of person they truly want to be?

Do YOU know?
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