(Part 2 of Better, Stronger, Faster is still in the works, but given that it's Thursday, I felt this might be appropriate)
Son: Dad, what do women want?
Me: How much time do you have?
I have been dreading this day. I knew it would come, but I have been dreading it.
As a parent, it's my job to educate my boys on how to be sucessful in the real world. I have tried to be a good role model. Both his mother and I have done our best to model a healthy relationship (which we happen to have, so it does not take any effort to model it). As a father, I feel it is my job to help my boys be successful in matters of the heart as well, since I have, for the most part, been pretty darn successful.
But how do I answer this question?
It's a question that has been asked over and over, for time and memorial. What do women want. What do men want. And there are soo many different answers.
I have listened to what women have said they want. Then watched them go after, or become involved with exactly the opposite. I have also had women describe thier "perfect" guy. Most of which fit me pretty well at the time. Did they show any interest in me? No, not really. I was not sure how much help I was going to be!
The conversation continued while we walked the dogs...
Son: There is this girl. I like her a lot, but I don't know what to do to get her to notice me.
Me: What is it about this girl that you like?
Son: She is funny. She has a great smile. She is very smart, and talented (she is in chior and band)
Me: Well, there are things you can do to maybe get her to notice you. But most important: Do not change who you are to try and win her over. If she does not like you for who you are, then even if you are able to establish some sort of relationship, it will be a short one.
Son: I am not sure what you mean.
Me: You are going to meet lots of girls in your lifetime. Some you will be attracted to, some you won't. Some will be attracted to you, some won't. Through it all, if you remain true to who you are, then the right girl will find you, and it will be what was meant to be. But always remember, there will be girls that you fall for, that will not return your feelings. That is ok. It does not always work out.
Son: How will I know?
Me: Listen to your gut. Trust it. There will be times when she is just not into you. That does not mean you are not worthy. I just means it was not meant to be with her.
Son: But I really like her.
Me: I know. I have been there. You just have to trust that if it is suppose to happen, it will. It might not happen on a time table you want (like NOW), and it may never happen. But if you try and push it, or force it, trust me it will not work.
Son: *sighs. Ok, but she sure is cute.
Me: *laughs. I am sure she is.
(she is VERY cute actually. My son has good taste, just like his dad)
As I sat down at the computer later that night, I was struck by a memory. A memory of my youth, on how hard it was when the girl I liked didn't like me back. It was heart wrenching. It was painful. I hated it. I doubted myself. I asked myself all the typical questions: Why doesn't she like me? She seems to like Billy..what makes Billy better than me? I am a nicer person than Billy, so why would she like Billy more than me? yada yada yada.
Through all those times, the one thing that was always there was that I knew I was a nice person. I knew I was a good person. Obviously there was something about me, that didn't "click" with said girl, and I may never know what that was, but I could not find anything in myself, that would NOT be attractive (No, I am not perfect, but I do try..;) ). So I eventually chaulked it up to "she was just not into me".
I became a bit better at it as I grew older, and ended up meeting the woman of my dreams, getting married, having kids, the whole dream. But I had a few relationships before her, and there were times when I just did not understand what I was doing wrong.
But that conversation with my son brought back a lot of those youthful memories. Not all great memories, but memories just the same. Memories of times where I didn't want to believe that someone I had feelings for, did not return those feelings. It was very hard to accept. Eventually, I had to accept them, and I learned from it.
Not having someone return my feelings does not invalidate those feelings, nor does it mean that person that didn't return them is a bad person. As I told my son, she just "was not into me". Simple as that.
It sounds easy. It is not. But when it is the truth, then it is the truth. Let it go. Which again, easier said than done. Especially when you are young, and are dealing with all the raging hormones. The heart wants what the heart wants, even if it is not reciprocated.
I am glad my son talks to me about these things. I just hope I have had enough experience to help him through it.
I love being a dad, but there are times when I feel really stupid for losing the instruction manaul.
Happy Love Thursday everybody
Son: Dad, what do women want?
Me: How much time do you have?
I have been dreading this day. I knew it would come, but I have been dreading it.
As a parent, it's my job to educate my boys on how to be sucessful in the real world. I have tried to be a good role model. Both his mother and I have done our best to model a healthy relationship (which we happen to have, so it does not take any effort to model it). As a father, I feel it is my job to help my boys be successful in matters of the heart as well, since I have, for the most part, been pretty darn successful.
But how do I answer this question?
It's a question that has been asked over and over, for time and memorial. What do women want. What do men want. And there are soo many different answers.
I have listened to what women have said they want. Then watched them go after, or become involved with exactly the opposite. I have also had women describe thier "perfect" guy. Most of which fit me pretty well at the time. Did they show any interest in me? No, not really. I was not sure how much help I was going to be!
The conversation continued while we walked the dogs...
Son: There is this girl. I like her a lot, but I don't know what to do to get her to notice me.
Me: What is it about this girl that you like?
Son: She is funny. She has a great smile. She is very smart, and talented (she is in chior and band)
Me: Well, there are things you can do to maybe get her to notice you. But most important: Do not change who you are to try and win her over. If she does not like you for who you are, then even if you are able to establish some sort of relationship, it will be a short one.
Son: I am not sure what you mean.
Me: You are going to meet lots of girls in your lifetime. Some you will be attracted to, some you won't. Some will be attracted to you, some won't. Through it all, if you remain true to who you are, then the right girl will find you, and it will be what was meant to be. But always remember, there will be girls that you fall for, that will not return your feelings. That is ok. It does not always work out.
Son: How will I know?
Me: Listen to your gut. Trust it. There will be times when she is just not into you. That does not mean you are not worthy. I just means it was not meant to be with her.
Son: But I really like her.
Me: I know. I have been there. You just have to trust that if it is suppose to happen, it will. It might not happen on a time table you want (like NOW), and it may never happen. But if you try and push it, or force it, trust me it will not work.
Son: *sighs. Ok, but she sure is cute.
Me: *laughs. I am sure she is.
(she is VERY cute actually. My son has good taste, just like his dad)
As I sat down at the computer later that night, I was struck by a memory. A memory of my youth, on how hard it was when the girl I liked didn't like me back. It was heart wrenching. It was painful. I hated it. I doubted myself. I asked myself all the typical questions: Why doesn't she like me? She seems to like Billy..what makes Billy better than me? I am a nicer person than Billy, so why would she like Billy more than me? yada yada yada.
Through all those times, the one thing that was always there was that I knew I was a nice person. I knew I was a good person. Obviously there was something about me, that didn't "click" with said girl, and I may never know what that was, but I could not find anything in myself, that would NOT be attractive (No, I am not perfect, but I do try..;) ). So I eventually chaulked it up to "she was just not into me".
I became a bit better at it as I grew older, and ended up meeting the woman of my dreams, getting married, having kids, the whole dream. But I had a few relationships before her, and there were times when I just did not understand what I was doing wrong.
But that conversation with my son brought back a lot of those youthful memories. Not all great memories, but memories just the same. Memories of times where I didn't want to believe that someone I had feelings for, did not return those feelings. It was very hard to accept. Eventually, I had to accept them, and I learned from it.
Not having someone return my feelings does not invalidate those feelings, nor does it mean that person that didn't return them is a bad person. As I told my son, she just "was not into me". Simple as that.
It sounds easy. It is not. But when it is the truth, then it is the truth. Let it go. Which again, easier said than done. Especially when you are young, and are dealing with all the raging hormones. The heart wants what the heart wants, even if it is not reciprocated.
I am glad my son talks to me about these things. I just hope I have had enough experience to help him through it.
I love being a dad, but there are times when I feel really stupid for losing the instruction manaul.
Happy Love Thursday everybody
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